Testifying to God's grace

Does God care whether I'm single or married? This was something I wondered for many years. I questioned whether the Lord desired to grant me a life partner, or did He want me all for Himself and His interests? If He did desire for me to have a wife, she would probably be ugly, so that I wouldn't be too distracted from what God really cared about: ministry...right?

In American Christian culture, it often seemed to me that married persons didn't have time for us lowly singles. Or worse, they secretly looked down on me with a certain look on their face or tone of voice, implying that they had reached a level of spirituality that was beyond me right now. Now that I'm married, I try to watch out for this attitude in myself, while I still recognize that not all singles are content singles...and I don't look down on them for this because I was there for a good long while. I wanted to be married. I knew that God had called me to singleness for the moment, but I wasn't going to keep trying to ignore my desires, pretending they didn't exist. I also recognize it's not like this for everyone, and I should never assume that all singles hope to get married someday.

The question that God did seem to ask me often was: Am I enough? Will you find your joy in Me even if I decide not to give you this gift? WIll you believe true things about Me and cease your complaining, as I have called you to wait for now--and have not revealed to you how long you will have to wait.? Will you cease to envy and bring glory to Me in your singleness? Do you love Me enough to receive this gift from Me and not try to snatch at it with selfish ambition? Will you believe that the woman I have planned for you is better than anyone you could find in your own strength and charisma?

My answers to these questions finally had to be yes. God used an unlikely source to help me see the truth. For almost 2 years, I worked regularly in my church's nursery with newborns to 2-year-olds. As I looked at them and saw how God provided for their every need, I saw little worry in them about who their future spouse would be. In fact, I would have thought it hilarious if they did. I began to imagine God's perspective of me, as I worried. He knew how long He would need to prepare and mature me, and He knew how long it would take to prepare Katherine (my future wife, unbeknownst to me--and she's absolutely beautiful, I might add), and nothing I did was going to speed up His process in our lives. My worry did not help things one bit, and I needed to see myself as His child, friend, and slave--appropriately.

Hope this helps someone today.